2017, a year in review

It’s the 25th of December, and I wanted to take a moment to sit down and reflect upon the year that has just unfurled. From conversations with many friends, I can say that we all agree that 2017 was the hardest year we’ve ever had, and that we’re all ready for it to be over and to look towards 2018 being better & brighter. I don’t normally write ‘year in review’ pieces, as I just want to move on, but this year, I feel the need to reflect and take stock before moving forwards.

In this past year, there’s been many really hard times, from losing my job and having to reconsider my entire life and career, to being attacked by a bigot simply for walking down the street, to battling major anxiety and depression, to continuously struggling with rent payments, to the forty-eight hours in hospital following a suicidal episode, to falling out with my parents over the company that I’ve been working to start. This year has been an utter trash fire.

It’s really easy to look at all the bad that’s happened this year, just personally within my own life, without even bothering to look at the trash fire this year has been for the rest of the world. Everything bad seems to be an overruling sound like wind in a microphone, drowning out almost everything else, but it’s important to try and find the good things too.

So, here’s a list of good things from this year, in no particular order:

• I’ve gained more body positivity, by taking erotic / semi-nude photographs.
• Through sex work, I’ve met so many wonderful and genuinely kind people
• I traveled to paris and explored cocktail bars, and visited React Europe
• Throughout the year I’ve slowly made my house more of a home, by installing a kitchen table, starting to setup my bedroom more, and designing the rooms a bit more
• I’ve built out my private dungeon / studio space more, and design several pieces of furniture for it, which I hope to start on in the new year
• I started a company, Unobvious Technology, with one goal: empower sex workers and advance the adult industry with modern technology. We also received some press coverage from YNot Cam.
• I went to XBiz Berlin, and networked with many of the big players in the adult industry, representing my company Unobvious Technology
• Repeatedly, I’ve made many people envious of my wardrobe and fashion sense, honing my style to be something uniquely me
• Celebrated and dressed up for Halloween (I went as that naughty french maid, there’s pictures).
• I had the pleasure to work with a genuinely great person, who really understands and has empathy for people (thank you, you know who you are, and I’m sure you’re going to read this)
• Went up the Berlin TV tower, something I’d wanted to do, but hadn’t gotten around to (thanks to XBiz Berlin)
• I’ve made many new friends, from the Crush family, to the extended Kaschk crew (It was great celebrating with you these past few weeks)
• After much work, I successfully legally changed my name and gender
• Received a referral for starting the medical part of my transition, and found a clinic to go to next year, thanks to a local community group.
• I tried to do as much as I could to help out my friends and other people, even if that was only a limited amount due to my own circumstances.
• I started to really discover myself again, after leaving tech work, trying to figure out what I enjoyed and liked, making plans for the year ahead.
• I had my 25th birthday, which is oddly significant to me, as someone who’s struggled at times with mental health and major depression for most of my adult life.
• Have started to heal and repair past wounds and hurt, from really shitty things. Moving on is good and healthy.
• I went to GraphQL Europe, and React Day Berlin, learned some interesting things and talked with some great people. Without diversity tickets I’d have never been able to attend: these conferences are great and I highly recommend them.
• Whilst I took a step back from organising and participating in the local berlin fetish community, I did go to German Fetish Ball, and meet some of the people I’ve known online through twitter and instagram.
• Thanks two crowdfunding campaigns, I wasn’t evicted and was able to spend time healing after assault and seeking the correct medical and psychological help.
• I’ve built a decent name for myself within the sex-work community, through being transparent, open and friendly.
• I put myself first, instead of some company that didn’t care the slightest about me. Self care truly is needed.
• I saw RuPaul’s drag-race for the first time, and literally cried and seeing so much positivity, not just on the show, but also through my local community who watched and talked about it.
• Researched and wrote an article about the economics of porn, and how pricing and revenue sharing works for performers

Through all the hardships of this year, that’s twenty five things that have been pretty good this year. At the start of this article, I mentioned some of the really bad things that have happened this year, and whilst I’ve not always shared them publicly, they have happened. It’s really important to try and focus on the good things that have happened this year too, through that constant noise of crap.

Here’s to 2018 being a hell of a lot better, not just for me, but for everyone. I challenge you to write a list of all the good things that’ve happened personally for you this year.

In closing, here’s some of my favourite photos from this year: